Louis Napoléon Andoche Junot, second Duc d’Abrantès, wrote novels, since the duking business was not very remunerative for him. Here he begins a preface to Two Hearts of Woman by telling us not to read the preface.
Can you think of anything as stupid as a preface?
As for me, I hate prefaces.
But my printer has just told me,
“Sir, your volume will have fewer than 300 pages if it stays the way it is.”
And since it is agreed that no one will read or buy a book in octavo that does not have 300 pages, I told my printer,
“Calm down, I’ll do a preface for you.”
Then my printer told me,
“That’s good!”
That is why I’m doing a preface, which I advise you not to read, if you have something better to do.
Now, there is always something better to do than to read a preface, if it is doing nothing at all. By doing nothing I understand that dolce far niente which is simply loafing about at ease; and if you ask whether loafing is an occupation, I shall answer you:—I certainly think it is!
So loaf instead of reading my preface.
However, when you come right down to it, I see no reason why I should suffer through the preface all alone; I’ve written it, that’s fine; but, once it is written, you shall do me the pleasure of reading it.